Help! Parent on Facebook

No, marriage is not the dreaded thing anymore. Shoo! New monster on the block. The parent is on Facebook!

You must have surely heard this one. A boy posts a new status on Facebook. “Dad’s on Facebook. WTF” Dad naturally sees the post and asks, scribbling notes in his head, “What’s WTF son?” Son says, “Welcome to Facebook, dad!”

Remember how you almost gave up the habit of keeping a diary just because a parent found it so convenient to read through it and interrogate you about the stuff, most of which you didn’t share with them for a damn good reason?!

Well, mom casually announced, “I am on Facebook dear; added you; let me know when you accept it.” I went ballistic! Social media was a place I could express whatever I wanted to, I mean without having mom or dad raise eyebrows. Now it seemed a lot of eyebrow-raising would happen. I quickly went to work. Filter, filter, add to a list that’s not restricted enough to arouse suspicion, but allows only the lovely, adorable pictures and updates to be seen and like. Ha!

I went to that party and mom did not know; photo filter! I was with some friends she would probably mentally marry me off to, or forbid me from meeting; filter, filter!

A half hour later, I was wiping off sweat and wondering if I should review my changes. Bah, let it be. Just one person added and a custom filter set. Cool!

And then the unhappenable happened! One of my friends had tagged me and HER privacy settings were obviously non-functional. “I saw that photo of that disco. I didn’t know you went to such places. What will happen if xyz uncle/aunt sees these things about you?!” Excuse me, they are all getting on Facebook too? Boy! I give up! Mom, this is the kid you didn’t know you had!

Over the next few days, I see her faithfully liking every post she can see on my page, and saying innocent momly things like “Put on warm clothes or you will catch a cold”, or often assuming I actually wrote some fantastic article that I just happened to ‘share’ on my wall. She reposts my stuff on her wall saying ‘My daughter’s poem’, ‘My daughter’s picture’. Dozens of elderly ladies and gents immediately lavish praise all over her wall. And then send me friend requests. Sigh! I get to work, putting up a photos.com picture that says, “Keep calm and love mom.” One immediate like.

Thank God she hasn’t seen my blog yet. Let me take the chance to ask you all for pointers on how to politely turn off notifications because half my newsfeed is full of posts on God, kindness, cleanliness, babies, puppies, flowers, trees, the works! And the inevitable “Did you read that post of mine I posted an hour ago? Yes, not the one I posted half an hour ago, not even the one I posted just now.”

Help; I still want my mom to whip up goodies for me, boo hoo!

P.S. Parent on WhatsApp and the dreaded blue tick…deserves another post altogether!