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A Father Mourns

My baby, daddy misses you
It is crazily lonely here
I swim in a big bad dream

Nothing I have to hold on to
My little finger hangs abandoned
By your sweet little fingers

My voice is hoarse of late
Your cradle being empty
Haven’t sung a lullaby, since

Where is the chirping bird?
I see nothing as pure as you
That glow in your pink cheeks

It is cold by day and by night
Come kiss my old beard
And hug me, hug me really tight

Summer’s pretty flowers wilted
I cared not a little bit, because
None of them can grace your hair

Reprimand me sometimes, please
For my drunken breath, with
Your adorable, wrinkling nose

I want to sleep, tired I am
But my chin won’t rest at all
So used to your tender curls

The child in me has vanished
With the light that left your eyes
Peace is nowhere in sight

I wished to catch the snowflakes
Just for you my dear, this winter
Delighting in your merry squeals

But here I find myself so numb
So hopeless, kneeling down
Brushing ice off your poor grave…

ManCrying

Unrequited Love

Fathomless eyes
Stray not an inch
From the epicentre
Of merciless flames
Drawn like moths
Into the brazen heat
Of tragic expression
Willing to perish
Feelings squirm in shame
And writhe in pain
A whole heart carved out
By sharp knives
Into illegible font
Etched on cheap paper
Verses scream stories
At the molten face
Even sealed lips fail
To halt the flow
Of a bleeding love
Ink and parchment
Compose an ironic eulogy
To the life that was
Betrayed by its master
Ambrosia it seemed
Until partaken of
Such scheming hope
The letter a testimony
Surrendering to red logs
That feed the blaze
In an empty house
Remains of love
Lay charred beyond recognition
As the poor thing chokes
And burns to ashes
Taking truth with it
No one need ever know
About the gift
Of mind, heart, and soul
Returned without a note

love

Evening Walk

My trainers have many stories
Compiled on long walks
Every step being a discovery
People, things, truths

A woman hisses into a phone
Dogs totter in absolute joy
A hippie shows off his swagger
Some men sprint to catch the bus
A cyclist whizzes by in silence
Ladies chat, carrying large bags

The sun sets behind the gates
Of a stadium, eerily empty
Of voices, faces, and cheers
I love the rays peeking through

Kids on skates, proudly
Leave me and the world behind
No shame in being happy
I love their loud cries of joy

People walking to stay fit
Under the fading lights
Of the endless golden sky
Ah, the sound of determined footsteps

As the evening melts into night
And noises die down, mostly
Some hard feelings I sense
Eyes that don’t meet mine
Or anyone else’s, faces downcast
Worried, tired, angry, resigned

Hope the miles can soothe them
Take away their fatigue
Absorb that sea of urgent steps
Make them slow down, relax
And get them home to think
Rest, rejuvenate, or just sleep

I walk past them all, quickly
Observing, then dismissing
No time to spend thinking
I have my own goals to keep
I shall return tomorrow, though
After a good night’s sleep

walk

No Apologies

Love the way you love yourself
No apologies
You know you have it
Magic
Cast your spells
Just by walking past

Love the way you walk
Talk, without saying a word
Saying things to me I can’t believe
I imagined or heard

You are the kind of mystery
I can never make sense of
I am happy to float on my cloud
While you laugh it off

Love the way you love yourself
No apologies
You know you have it
Enigma
Charm my heart
Just by walking past

Love the way you stand
Quiet, in a world of your own
Reigning over a kingdom
I have never known

You are the kind of prize
I dream of winning
I am going to earn you
Or I will die, trying

Love the way you love yourself
No apologies
You know you have it
My soul
You claimed it
Just by walking past

Love

“Why?”
He stopped pacing and looked at her as if she’d just asked him to count every leaf on every tree in the Old Place. “Because… you’re you.” ― Anne Bishop

P.S. Song recommendation. Sia – Salted Wound

Her Dark Night

She loves it
Eyes closed
Taking in the gifts
Of the darkness
Odd joys
Stillness
Harmony
Fragrant grass
She lights a cigarette
Smoke clouds
Dance grey
Around her pretty face
Projecting dreams
Like a movie
Private theatre
Cold comforts
There’s a band playing
Music only for her
She sails through air
Smiles, irreverent eyes
Walks around in circles
No real destination
This is her moment
She loves it
Her dark night
She won’t leave
Camped on the lawn
Permanence
Sky is closing in
Kissing her lips
She paints it as she likes
Willowy legs
On damp earth
Freed from movement
Rest contented
A long puff
Wonder what she sees
Smoked dreams
Cut off from noise
Clutter, craze
A queen reigns
Over solitary kingdom
At her command
Satisfaction
Sweet infinity
Vacuum
Dark night
She loves it
It belongs to her
And she to it

Moon

P.S. Movie recommendation: Lost in Translation.

Crystal Clear

What do you desire?
Clarity, that everything’s clear
Comfort, from someone dear
What do you wish for?
Magic, rainbow on grass
Music, the clink of glass
What sounds perfect?
Compliments, from the heart
Elegance, sets you apart
What is the rarest?
Satisfaction, every good decision
Truth, the honesty in emotion

Now, what if you were
Invited to savour
Even a little bit of each
It would be a favour
You do to yourself
So grab your looking glass
Behold a beauteous self!
Show off inner sparkle
For no one’s like yourself
Weave a splendid spell
Let your joys swell
Time to rise and shine
Get a touch of divine!

swarovski

What Really Matters

It was an ordinary, tired afternoon
The clouds had stopped moving
Not a bird willing to croon
Nothing at all was happening
And we simply lay indoors
Limbs lazing on a worn-out sofa
Undisturbed by thoughts,
Sounds, time in general
In a place we only shared
With the humdrums essential
Ear buds, couple o’ books, a soda
Random crumbs uneaten
Nothing to post online even

All that seemed slightly alive
On that day, at a quarter to five
Was an old movie we loaded to VLC
Small talk, laughter, very easy
On the eye, ear, mind, soul
Nothing going out of control
We lay there just watching
As, in the most routine setting
The characters grew appealing
The girl picked up her old guitar
With a song she wrote for him
Him who would be gone so far
Only, he wouldn’t, after this!
Love wasn’t something one would miss
The way he sat, under spell of melody
Was exactly how we too sat, to see
Absorbing with ear, eye, and soul
Truth about what makes one feel whole

Simple things of the everyday
Stuff we do, words we may not say
Not the rigmarole of fancy dinners
But little moments that emerge winners
The laughter over a private joke
A silly love letter one once wrote
The grunts of acknowledgments
Nods of disapproval
The pretend-nothing-happened times
The we’re-in-this-together times
Walks to cherish, and homecomings
Doing nothing on long evenings
Just a touch that conveys so much
Confessions, intimacy, holding hands
Dreams fickle as castles in sands
Things to recall in later years
Stuff that may move one to tears

In fact, sitting there, that hot afternoon
Just when we thought nothing was happening
We stumbled upon to find the surprising
Basic, unchanging truth of life
The meaning of heartbeat, being alive
That without the glory of royalty
How precious life still can be!
With the ones we love in our world
So don’t let the obvious go unheard
This is the one thing that really matters
Without some kind of love, life is in tatters.

And just like that, we snuggled closer.
The afternoon was ordinary no longer.

Simple Things

What is Love?

Love in my world
Never a bait
Never a titbit
Handed out to a child
In return for compliance
Never a deed
Never a contract
Handed out to a client
With terms and conditions
Never a prize
Never the applause
Awarded to a performer
For dancing to one’s tunes

What is love?
Unbridled affection
Unmatched inspiration
Ceaseless devotion
Or so I define it
In my precious world
My little dictionary
But the world has changed
It is all commotion
Self-commoditization
Materialism’s promotion
My values archaic
My heart throwaway
My love written off
It’s a trading game

Of far more value
As I discovered, are
Compromise, acceptance
Exchanges and agreements
It is a sea of tentatives
Superficial promises
Impatient scenarios
Dizzying edits, and
Ego-massage demands
Everyone looking for
Returns on investment
I have the option to stay
Or walk out if I may
No binding threads
No bonded soul
Holding me close
It shocks me, it does
That love is no magic
In today’s times
And to this manic,
Unbelievable world
I doubt I belong!

I Once Slept in Heaven

I slept in heaven
And dreamed
Of us, lips locked
Romancing wild
Urgent whispers
Blazing passion
Unlike what
Any other duo
In love had ever
Known, or so
It seemed, until
It crept on me
Throwing me
Right off guard
Off balance
Upside down
I was hung, with
My whole world.

Not sure if I
Heard you right
That things end
Tonight, that
We are done
Tonight, that
I better get out
Of sight. Well,
Who was I kidding?
Dreams were but
A refuge, where
I escaped to,
Shutting you out
Yes, both of you
For ‘she’ exists.

Perfection was
How I defined ‘us’
The way everyone
Recognized ‘us’
In ignorant bliss
I sat in your lap
On my ‘throne’
While she ruled
Your bleeding heart
I had titles once
‘Darling, my dear
Oh cute little lover’
Boy, how I pranced,
Childish joys, and
Kept on bragging
My man, unaware
Of developments
All around me.

Fine print, damn
Always unread
Until the moment
They point it out
In this case, you.
You read it out.
I repeat after you
All the reasons
I am to blame
For you failing
On your promises.
‘You are paranoid,
You have trust issues,
You are emotional,
Vulnerable, lost.’
If I had no cause
For complaint, ever,
Pray tell me why
You have that
Look in your eye?!

I signed up for love
Crazy, pure love
Unashamed love
But just ‘our’ love
Not unexpected,
Outside love.
Not ‘her’, no.
I fell for you
Prayed for you
Lived for you
And now you
Want me to
Die too, for you.
Of course you
Won’t say it loud
But I can hear it
Clear alright, that
I wasn’t thrown out
Just brushed aside
Gently, slowly, as
I slept in heaven
And dreamed. Well,
I won’t, anymore.

Heart-hearts-26537377-497-367

Finding Me

I stand at the threshold
Of a chaotic universe
I’m committed to see it
While escorting a babble
Of doubts and some blues
Like unwelcome guests
If only they were absent
But then, it’s a chance
I’m told is ‘heaven-sent’
So biting my fears down
I step into a labyrinth
Seeking some resolution
The answers to a future
I’m told I ‘certainly own’.

And what did I expect?
It is dark and muddy!
But no point hovering, so
I make my way forward
A tad gingerly around
My shattered illusions
Scraping mud and grime
Off my poor self-esteem
Often picking up hopes
Half-eaten by distrust
My clothes they tear on
Tiffs and bad thoughts
Ouch! I swallow and sigh
Stumbling on egotism,
Of this one hindrance
I was so duly warned.

Obstacles at every step
Garbage round the bend
It is far from an easy job,
This ‘incredible internship’
And then I recall, that
The brochure also said
I would learn some things
If I just applied myself
The whole of my soul
And so I… I continue
Without a guidebook
Only a heavy backpack
Of curious possibilities…

I fumble for my notes
Made the night before
In astonishing clarity
Alarmingly rare, that.
Wiggling vanity? Trample it!
Squeaky cynicism? Squash it!
Wary “what-if”? Crush it!
Aching ambition? Nurse it!
Precious memory? Save it!
Lasting love? Pick it!
Feeble faith? Cradle it!
It helps that I prepared
To give this all I had
For the mist soon clears
And I see what I need to
Though it’s not quite
What I expected it to be.

I stand still and solemn
At a mirror labelled “You”
And I find myself in it
Clean and properly shiny
Not a trace of past filth
Nearby, a bin to dump trash
And a bag to carry back
My keepsakes, treasures
Things I was meant to have,
And best of all, I then find
A growing, glowing smile
I trade it for my frown
Excited at what I’ve found.

So this is what it is,
The lesson I must heed
As the clock ticks by, must
Have the time of my life
And so I turn my back
On existence I don’t need
Marching home instead
With a life I’ll proudly lead.

make-the-rest-of-you-life-the-best-of-your-life-580x200

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